Without question, each and every one of us has been faced with setbacks and challenges in this lifetime. Each and every one of us has traversed peaks and valleys of difficult terrain. Each and every one of us, at one point or another, has stood at a crossroads which called for a new direction. What with a fresh year unfolding, I honestly cannot think of a better subject with which to kick off 2016 here on my blog... HAPPY NEW YEAR, dear Readers ✨
Transformation, whether perceived as chosen or imposed, sometimes involves a particularly lonely rite of passage, bringing up that which has been suppressed and that which seeks healing or resolution. Some people refer to this as a Dark Night of the Soul, and others simply refer to it as a really shitty time of life. Throughout any process of transformation, and at whatever level it is experienced, there are parts we must travel alone... but just as there are parts we must travel alone, we also have the opportunity to engage with community - a perhaps underrated and most powerful ally - which can make all the difference in the world. Though I have chosen to open up and share about my own life with you today, I wish to emphasize that transformation comes in many shades, as do the thriving communities which are available to generously lend love, support, and encouragement along one’s journey.
Initially, I thought this was going to be a brief post but soon enough I realized that it had the potential to become a case of epic storytelling based on the sheer scope of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels of transformation I’ve experienced, and also how much I've personally needed to synthesize all of this and put it into words. Perhaps all these details will be boring to you, perhaps they won’t... but either way, beyond the details, this article is meant to illustrate the great power community holds in the face of transformation and change, and how you, too, amidst challenge or struggle, may find surprising and supreme sources of sustenance on your path.
Transformation, whether perceived as chosen or imposed, sometimes involves a particularly lonely rite of passage, bringing up that which has been suppressed and that which seeks healing or resolution. Some people refer to this as a Dark Night of the Soul, and others simply refer to it as a really shitty time of life. Throughout any process of transformation, and at whatever level it is experienced, there are parts we must travel alone... but just as there are parts we must travel alone, we also have the opportunity to engage with community - a perhaps underrated and most powerful ally - which can make all the difference in the world. Though I have chosen to open up and share about my own life with you today, I wish to emphasize that transformation comes in many shades, as do the thriving communities which are available to generously lend love, support, and encouragement along one’s journey.
Initially, I thought this was going to be a brief post but soon enough I realized that it had the potential to become a case of epic storytelling based on the sheer scope of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels of transformation I’ve experienced, and also how much I've personally needed to synthesize all of this and put it into words. Perhaps all these details will be boring to you, perhaps they won’t... but either way, beyond the details, this article is meant to illustrate the great power community holds in the face of transformation and change, and how you, too, amidst challenge or struggle, may find surprising and supreme sources of sustenance on your path.
While I could have chosen to write about this topic from an objective perspective, writing from a subjective point of view feels more appropriate and authentic. Those of you who know me well know how important it is for me to acknowledge the messiness of being human and that, at all costs, I strive to walk the talk. I may not have gone through the worst that life has to offer, but, as mentioned in my bio, for a good chunk of my time on this planet I struggled with escapism and substance abuse in order to cope with ongoing health issues and related anxiety. From puberty until my late twenties I did everything I could to put an end to my suffering, some of it very toxic and destructive in hopes to numb it, and some of it healthy and constructive in hopes to heal it. Despite the many years during which I felt lost and hopeless, knowing that talking about my experiences has been helpful to others is what keeps me sharing and committed to shedding the shame that so often accompanies the process of wrestling with one’s demons. Now, without getting too much into the nitty-gritty of my era of destruction and despair, I’d like to flash forward to the fall of 2007 to honour some of the most significant chapters of my transformation and to give heartfelt thanks to a few of the incredibly supportive communities I've been fortunate enough to be a part of.
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In October of 2007 I found myself at a major crossroads, both personal and professional. Notwithstanding the valuable healing work I’d been dabbling in for several years with the assistance of some of my greatest teachers, and notwithstanding my employment in the field of natural health, I still struggled with stubborn symptoms, struggled to align myself with my values, and struggled to express myself authentically in the world. By day I was often able to emulate the person I wanted to be, but the truth of my underlying fear, shame, discomfort, and overwhelm had me escaping by night at the seedy local bars. One fateful afternoon, towards the end of October, the door of my workplace swung open and in walked someone who, little did I know, would change my life forever. Not only did we share the same name, but this radiant creature who introduced herself as Melanie announced that she was in the process of opening a yoga studio down the street. Her flyer was printed in my favourite colours. The studio offered an affordable unlimited membership. There was an intriguing array of classes to choose from. She enticed me with a free Open House event to launch their official opening and as of the first moment I set foot in her space, I was in love... and for the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt truly hopeful. The next thing I knew, I had signed up for three months of unlimited classes and traded in my nightly bar escapades for countless awkward attempts at mastering Downward Facing Dog. Though I had done small bouts of yoga on and off since 2002, I had never truly found my place... but this place quickly became my solace, my home away from home... and what with my rather extreme personality, I decided to embark on a personal challenge of completing 100 classes in 90 days. And so, that’s what I did. On January 26th, 2008 I completed my 101st class since the opening of the studio three months prior, earning my legit nickname “Hardcore Mel”.
While I was hoping to dive into “an experience of Light” to remedy all the diving I’d done into “an experience of Darkness”, I did not realize all that a vigorous yoga practice would entail. I thought I was just making an effort to be healthier, more flexible, more fit, that showing up to class would magically erase my wounds and suffering. I had no idea about what would rise to the surface with movement, with the breath, what would come up to be acknowledged and worked through. I quickly learned that when you rip off the bandaid and stop suppressing, that’s when the REAL darkness comes out to play and where you’re given a chance to see the extent of what you've been running from and how. So as my body began to change shape and as a physical transformation got underway, a mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation got underway as well. I started to observe, to be the witness, to see the symbolism of what was being presented, how one’s beliefs can be mirrored by one’s movement. As mentioned in one of my recent posts, it was through my yoga practice that I first discovered the metaphor of the mat, how what goes through your mind and how you conduct yourself throughout your practice often reflects how you conduct yourself in life, and vice versa.
Though my practice was deeply personal, though it was me who made the effort to show up to class each and every time, and though I was the one who was ultimately committed to change, I truly could never have achieved what I did without the genuine support and encouragement from my instructors and fellow students. Finding my niche within a welcoming, nourishing community allowed me to feel safe enough to open, to be vulnerable, to navigate the throes of metamorphosis and to come out for the better on the other side. After more than 300 classes between 2007 and 2009, and forever a member of what is sentimentally referred to as the “Season One Original Cast & Crew”, the amazing Melanie Richards and the thriving, now 8 year old HappyTree Yoga will always hold a very special place in my heart.
Though my practice was deeply personal, though it was me who made the effort to show up to class each and every time, and though I was the one who was ultimately committed to change, I truly could never have achieved what I did without the genuine support and encouragement from my instructors and fellow students. Finding my niche within a welcoming, nourishing community allowed me to feel safe enough to open, to be vulnerable, to navigate the throes of metamorphosis and to come out for the better on the other side. After more than 300 classes between 2007 and 2009, and forever a member of what is sentimentally referred to as the “Season One Original Cast & Crew”, the amazing Melanie Richards and the thriving, now 8 year old HappyTree Yoga will always hold a very special place in my heart.
By the spring of 2009 much had shifted in my life - there had been a lot of personal growth, I was healthier on all levels, and I was in holistic private practice part-time... but despite all that, I was still stagnant in certain ways and holding on to things that were clearly ready to change. As fate would have it, I ended up meeting a new love when I least expected it, and somehow, the excitement of it all proved to be a substantial catalyst for change which allowed me to step out of the comfort of my uncomfortable rut. In all honesty, had a psychic told me that in the span of a few months I would get involved with a French Canadian, move from NDG to Laval, branch out independently in my own office and finally learn to drive, I would have laughed and walked out without paying!!! Then and there I was schooled:
So, by late summer 2009 I had all but officially moved north of the city and, what with being involved in a new relationship, I lived it up and enjoyed the honeymoon phase, abundant in all things good including good food and good wine! Life was great and I was eager to put down new roots both personally and professionally. However, having been separated from my dear yoga community and having experienced such a shift in gears, days and weeks of relative inactivity flowed fast and furious and by December 2010 I’d put on a lot of weight, felt lazy and lethargic, and despite my relationship, I felt rather isolated. As New Year’s Eve approached, I found myself struggling in a big way with what I saw in the mirror. While fully aware of the importance of loving and accepting one's self unconditionally, I had to acknowledge the fine line between acceptance and complacency. At yet another crossroads, I decided that enough was enough and I vowed to take practical steps to support true physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being once again.
So, by late summer 2009 I had all but officially moved north of the city and, what with being involved in a new relationship, I lived it up and enjoyed the honeymoon phase, abundant in all things good including good food and good wine! Life was great and I was eager to put down new roots both personally and professionally. However, having been separated from my dear yoga community and having experienced such a shift in gears, days and weeks of relative inactivity flowed fast and furious and by December 2010 I’d put on a lot of weight, felt lazy and lethargic, and despite my relationship, I felt rather isolated. As New Year’s Eve approached, I found myself struggling in a big way with what I saw in the mirror. While fully aware of the importance of loving and accepting one's self unconditionally, I had to acknowledge the fine line between acceptance and complacency. At yet another crossroads, I decided that enough was enough and I vowed to take practical steps to support true physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being once again.
30 days of Paleo Eating: My bestie and I traded in our names for Betty and Wilma Lo and behold, my best friend from south of the border announced that she was getting ready to do a 30-day nutritional challenge as of January 1st. Though I wanted to make changes, the 1st felt way too fast to jump into a whole new way of eating without knowing much about what was required or having had proper time to mentally prepare... So she sent me info and I researched. And I researched some more. And I sent the info to my mom. And she researched. And she researched some more. After multiple sleepless nights and almost chickening out, we both said eff this and jumped on the bandwagon. As the saying goes, “better late than never”, so from January 11th to February 9th 2011, Mom and I embarked on the then still relatively underground Whole30, along with my best friend.
As if it wasn't already encouraging to have the support of two of my very fave ladies throughout, prior to starting my challenge I was invited to check out the blog of a couple of gals my best friend knew who were doing the same challenge. Soon enough, we all became friends and it was amazing to have that framework to share about our experience with a sense of humour, and to help one another be strong in the face of implementing a change that was not always easy. It was through my friends’ blog and my stringent Whole30-approved recipe hunt that I first stumbled upon the word "CrossFit” and strangely, it seemed that after I saw the word once, I started seeing it everywhere. What with the girls all living in the US and most of the recipe sites being American, I figured that CrossFit was probably some weird fitness fad that had yet to make its way to Canada. I really had no idea what it was all about but the way these girls were talking it sounded like it was the next best thing to sliced bread (grain-free, gluten-free of course). So, one day, for fun, I Googled the words “CrossFit” and “Laval” and within a nanosecond I found out that there was actually a gym called CrossFit Laval, and that it was less than ten minutes from my house! Naturally, my rather extremist personality rose to the occasion, and determined to GETFITNOW, I ambitiously decided to try a free intro session heading into the second day of my Whole30 challenge.
Now, picture this: there I was, decked out in my old skool Lululemon crop pants, totally out of shape with virtually no athletic background besides yoga, walking into a desolate-looking warehouse with stark cement walls and an assortment of strange equipment. Besides the owner who was there to greet me, there was this one girl with the strongest most impressive legs I’d ever seen, a barbell on her back squatting what looked to be a zillion pounds. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified. I was totally terrified. I could barely breathe. This was clearly a mistake. I still remember looking furtively back at the door contemplating making a mad dash, when the owner appeared by my side and drew me in to what I’d assessed to be his crude lair of torture. Over the next hour I was instructed on how to safely and properly perform a few key movements, which were then combined into a “short 15 minute workout”. As those 15 minutes elapsed, I then understood the relativity of the word “short”. I kind of wanted to die, and when the clock stopped it took everything in my power not to crumble into a soggy heap on the rubber mats beneath my feet. I somehow managed to get myself together and thanked the owner, quite convinced that still to this day, he wasn’t sure he’d ever see me again.
That said, walking out the door was pretty much the only walking I did for the next four days as my legs were so wrecked I could barely manage to sit on the toilet! My American CrossFitting friends with the blog laughed knowingly and cheered upon hearing about my initiation. They assured me that my experience was totally normal and that not only would I get used to it, but that I would start to enjoy it. I thought they were off their rockers. Apparently, so did my best friend, who, in confidence, said that she couldn’t really see me getting into it, that it was way too crazy, that it wasn’t my style. And those were the magic words I needed to hear.
“Oh yeah?” I said.
“WATCH ME.”
As I delved into my new training regime, I also found a pretty cool Paleo community in my city. Photo featured in The Montreal Gazette, October 2011 As of that moment I knew I was in, but I knew I couldn’t go back just yet. It was time to allow myself to adjust to this new way of eating and of course, me being me, there was research to be done. For the next several weeks I Googled. I read articles and blogs. I watched videos. I learned lingo. I did everything I could to wrap my head around what I quickly understood to be way more than a mere fitness fad or workout style. Like yoga, this was a culture, a growing worldwide community with heart and soul (and pretty sick quads to boot). In early March of 2011, after having successfully completed my Whole30 challenge and still eating clean, I picked up the phone, scheduled my next class at CrossFit Laval, and never looked back.
Over the course of that year I experienced massive shifts in every way - just like with yoga, it was transformative on every level. In December 2011 I decided to take my CrossFit Level-1 Trainer Certification to deepen my knowledge and, to date, I will say that it was possibly one of the best weekends of my life. Along with my home base in Laval and some great connections I’d made at my cert, I've had the opportunity since then to branch out and engage with several other local CrossFit communities, where I always feel welcome and appreciated. Special shout-out to CrossFit CapOp and CrossFit St.Laurent for having taken me in as one of your own and for having played a vital role in my growth and development.
 Top: CF Level-1 Cert Dec 2011, Left (upper): CrossFit CapOp Les Patriotes May 2012, Left (lower): Force5 Team Challenge Oct 2013, Right: With some of my CrossFit St.Laurent family at the Reebok CrossFit YUL Summer Classic Aug 2013 |  PRing my jerk at the Ladies & Gentlemans Challenge - CrossFit CapOp April 2012 (Photo: Sébastien Laflèche) |
First official Muscle Up at CrossFit St.Laurent - Sept 2013
Out of the blue, in the fall of 2013, a coach at CrossFit Laval who had witnessed my profound transformation took me aside and mentioned a potential opportunity with a local French magazine. Though bilingual, English is my first language and I was apprehensive, unsure as to whether I would be an appropriate candidate for their audience.
To my delight, the interview went really well and I soon found out that I had been selected! Before I knew it, I had experienced my first official photo shoot, and the article appeared in the April 2014 issue of Quebec's Moi & cie.
Out of the blue, in the fall of 2013, a coach at CrossFit Laval who had witnessed my profound transformation took me aside and mentioned a potential opportunity with a local French magazine. Though bilingual, English is my first language and I was apprehensive, unsure as to whether I would be an appropriate candidate for their audience.
To my delight, the interview went really well and I soon found out that I had been selected! Before I knew it, I had experienced my first official photo shoot, and the article appeared in the April 2014 issue of Quebec's Moi & cie.
Almost two years since the publication of that article, January 12th of this year marks 5 years since my very first CrossFit class. In doing the math, it turns out that an average of 5 classes a week for 5 years = 1300 hours. So, while that translates to 1300 hours of personal hard-won CrossFit experience, it also translates to 1300 hours of bonding with a group.
When I think about it, I realize I spend more time with my morning crew at the gym than I do with most people in my life. Monday through Friday, I open my eyes eager to start my day with them and know that they are eager to start their day with me, too. Though we are of different ages, backgrounds, and levels of fitness, we are like family. Some of the best conversations of my life have taken place in that locker room and some of the best laughs of my life have been had between those gym walls. From the genuine smile that emerges on my face upon seeing their cars in the parking lot, to the true feeling of being appreciated the moment I walk through the door, to what we face together in that hour every weekday morning, the bond we share not only keeps me motivated but encourages discipline, accountability, and consistency. Whether male or female, young or old, no matter one’s weight or level of fitness, there is something to be said for a bond created through shared suffering, intensity, blood, sweat, and tears. Despite the hard work I've put in, I would not be where I am today without the fierce support I've received from this community.
In addition to the immense gratitude I feel towards my training buddies, I would also not be where I am today without the steadfast dedication of Matthieu Dubreucq. Little did I know that 5 years later, the individual who once drew me into his crude lair of torture would become my esteemed head coach, someone who often proves to know me better than I know myself, and someone who, despite any challenge dealt in training, has my inherent trust. Along with Matt, I have been gifted with a handful of extraordinary coaches whose level of commitment, excellence, and care are deeply appreciated and will never be forgotten.
Though I am far from being one of the strongest or fastest gals at my gym, for someone who used to be a total weakling, hated gym in school, smoked cigarettes for 15 years of her life and did her fair share of drinking and drugs, the fact that I can now row 500m in 1:48, run 10km in under an hour, climb a 20ft rope to the ceiling and deadlift 305lbs is a total miracle, something I would have never thought possible.
When I think about it, I realize I spend more time with my morning crew at the gym than I do with most people in my life. Monday through Friday, I open my eyes eager to start my day with them and know that they are eager to start their day with me, too. Though we are of different ages, backgrounds, and levels of fitness, we are like family. Some of the best conversations of my life have taken place in that locker room and some of the best laughs of my life have been had between those gym walls. From the genuine smile that emerges on my face upon seeing their cars in the parking lot, to the true feeling of being appreciated the moment I walk through the door, to what we face together in that hour every weekday morning, the bond we share not only keeps me motivated but encourages discipline, accountability, and consistency. Whether male or female, young or old, no matter one’s weight or level of fitness, there is something to be said for a bond created through shared suffering, intensity, blood, sweat, and tears. Despite the hard work I've put in, I would not be where I am today without the fierce support I've received from this community.
In addition to the immense gratitude I feel towards my training buddies, I would also not be where I am today without the steadfast dedication of Matthieu Dubreucq. Little did I know that 5 years later, the individual who once drew me into his crude lair of torture would become my esteemed head coach, someone who often proves to know me better than I know myself, and someone who, despite any challenge dealt in training, has my inherent trust. Along with Matt, I have been gifted with a handful of extraordinary coaches whose level of commitment, excellence, and care are deeply appreciated and will never be forgotten.
Though I am far from being one of the strongest or fastest gals at my gym, for someone who used to be a total weakling, hated gym in school, smoked cigarettes for 15 years of her life and did her fair share of drinking and drugs, the fact that I can now row 500m in 1:48, run 10km in under an hour, climb a 20ft rope to the ceiling and deadlift 305lbs is a total miracle, something I would have never thought possible.
While my CrossFit training in Laval has been vastly different from my yoga practice in Westmount, the experiences complement each other beautifully and I appreciate how each experience provided a platform for transformation on all levels. Just like yoga, CrossFit taught me that what goes through your mind as you train and how you conduct yourself through your workout holds incredible insights about the way you live your life. Whether it’s just you, your body, your breath and your mat or just you, your body, your breath and the clock, there is a whole world waiting to be discovered. Though the physical benefits are great, I will say that the mental, emotional, and spiritual benefits have been truly astounding. Through my experiences with both yoga and CrossFit, I have learned:
- Where I am my own worst enemy and my very best friend
- Where I fearfully run from my demons and where I courageously choose to face them
- Where I am arrogant and where I am humble
- Where I feel vulnerable and where I feel confident
- Where I struggle with discomfort and where I allow myself to relax into it
- What triggers me to disassociate and what helps to ground me in the present moment
- Where I stick with what’s safe and familiar and where I dare to move beyond
- Where I’m content with mediocrity and where I’m determined to excel
Both practices have fuelled contemplation as to the topics of competition, commitment, vulnerability, honesty, fear, shame, and even intimacy. Too, they have exposed how I choose to use my power and energy, revealing deep truths about priorities, efficiency, and focus.
2011-2016 Just over 8 years since that fateful day in 2007, here we are. Though I may have lost a lot of the flexibility gained through yoga, though I no longer eat strict Paleo, and though I am by no means a top CrossFit athlete, the transformation I have undergone with the help of energy medicine and changing the way I eat and move has been nothing short of remarkable. In January of 2016, I am living life symptom-free, stronger and faster than I have ever been... and the experience of being part of such phenomenal communities is worth its weight in gold.
To those who have been, who still are, and who will become a part of my journey - your love, support, and encouragement is a true blessing in my life.
Thank you, thank you, thank you 💜
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