​​Ohhhhhhh, INTIMACY. Welcome, dear readers, to my latest Musing! Yet again, here we find ourselves with another loaded word and topic to discuss - a topic which has been covered extensively and eloquently by many insightful individuals, and one which I can only hope to do justice in my own way. Somehow, I am someone who has always thrived on intimacy; it is where I feel most at home, like a fish in water. In both my personal life and in my career it is what I seek out most and what fuels my greatest fulfillment. Even my creative writing pursuits - this blog, the poetry and short stories I've written over the years - they all revolve around observing a profound level of intimacy found in the smallest of details. While some people are drawn to that in me like a magnet, others not so much... but what I've learned is that either way, it isn't something to take personally, as others will only ever be able to meet us as deeply as they have met themselves.

​To some, intimacy may feel welcoming and safe. To others, it may feel invasive and threatening. In some relationships it's an immediate unfolding or develops over time, and in others it may not exist whatsoever or be appropriate. 

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Although the context of a physical, romantic or sexual relationship is often the go-to when presented with the topic of intimacy, that is but ONE arena in which it is possible to engage intimately with another. Intimacy may very well be an essential factor in sustaining a healthy relationship of that nature, but a relationship is not required to be of that nature in order for intimacy to be shared.

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Intimacy = IN - TO - ME - SEE


Regardless of the context of the relationship or interaction, intimacy is ultimately about letting someone see into you and about someone letting you see into them. ​It is possible to share moments of intimacy with family, friends, colleagues, clients, perhaps even a complete stranger.

However, as I mentioned above, others will only ever be able to meet us as deeply as they have met themselves... and I've learned that intimacy, although it can be invited and encouraged, can never be forced, and is not always reciprocated with the same enthusiasm, if at all. The tricky thing then, is that while one can have a legitimate need and deep desire for intimacy, it is not something that one is entitled to or guaranteed.
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That said, with or without sex as part of the equation, true intimacy requires emotional honesty, vulnerability, and connection. Just as one may engage in an intense sexual relationship with someone local where there is very little intimacy, one may have a purely platonic relationship with someone who lives in another country, miles away, where there is an abundance of intimacy shared, and where the emotional closeness experienced in that relationship reaches them in places the other never will. Whether in a romantic context or not, when there is a big enough imbalance in each individual's needs and capacity for intimacy, it can be a difficult situation to navigate.

Lastly, as if navigating intimacy in real-time wasn't complicated enough, it seems that our increasing reliance on and addiction to technology and social media presents a whole new can of worms. Surely, the impact that the Digital Age has had and continues to have on intimacy and our relationships is controversial, but it is a relevant aspect to bring up nonetheless. While I won't be delving fully into that aspect in this post, a couple of interesting articles about social media and intimacy can be found HERE and HERE should you wish to explore further.
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Ultimately, this may not be an easy or comfortable topic but, once again, it is a topic that affects us all, and one which seems to be at the forefront these days begging for our attention. Whether you tend to think about intimacy often or not, hopefully this post and the questions I ask below will stir the pot and perhaps even bring greater clarity in terms of discernment and commitment as well.

​If you or someone you know is struggling with issues surrounding intimacy or simply needs a safe and confidential space to share, I am available for local sessions in Montreal and work easily via distance worldwide. Please don't hesitate to contact me HERE with any questions or to inquire about my upcoming availabilities.

Some questions for further reflection:

When you think of the word intimacy what does it bring up?
How do you feel about it? What are your beliefs?


Does the thought of intimacy (sharing and/or being shared with at that level) make you feel safe?
Is it something you consciously or subconsciously desire?
Do you feel guilty or ashamed about your desire for intimacy?
Are you resented for or blamed for this desire?
How does the desire for intimacy impact the dynamic and/or quality of your relationships?

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Does the thought of intimacy (sharing and/or being shared with at that level) make you feel threatened?
Is it something you consciously or subconsciously avoid?
Do you feel guilty or ashamed about avoiding intimacy?
Are you resented for or blamed for this avoidance?
How does the avoidance of intimacy impact the dynamic and/or quality of your relationships?


How, and by whom, are your needs for intimacy being MET?
How does this feel to you?
How does this affect your various relationships?


​How, and by whom, are your needs for intimacy being UNMET?
How does this feel to you?
How does this affect your various relationships?


How, if at all, does your level of involvement with technology and social media affect both your real-time and virtual relationships in the context of intimacy?

For weeks now I’ve been promising to get some new Body Part Series posts up on my blog, but every time I’d go to work on them, something would come up or I would find myself procrastinating bigtime, almost feeling as though I was being dragged somewhere against my will! I oscillated between making excuses and berating myself for being lazy, but I finally acknowledged that it's just not what’s inspiring me at the moment and not what I truly feel like writing about. The irony is that in early September I’d enthusiastically started writing a musing on a particular topic, which I’d then chucked to the side in favour of my other series - and yet this entire struggle has brought up so many more nuggets of insight about the very topic I’d been writing about all along... the topic of COMMITMENT. As everything happens for a reason and nothing is for nothing, it comes as no surprise that while this post has been simmering on the backburner, I've been shown how massively relevant this topic is in so many ways. From family, to friends, to clients, men and women alike, it seems that we are all being asked to examine our commitments as well as our beliefs about commitment itself, to get clear as to how these are serving us or not, and to take practical steps to align ourselves more fully with who we are right here, right now.

​Just like the word RESPONSIBILITY, the word COMMITMENT is super charged and can feel so vastly different depending on one’s beliefs and experience. It can also feel different depending on the particular context or situation. Just as commitment can have a connotation of restriction, limitation, obligation or duty, it can also feel liberating, expansive, and fulfilling. Whether we like it or not, these days we’re finding ourselves in situations that require us to look at how we feel about our various commitments, and how we wield and distribute our precious energy and power. Although we typically tend to think of commitment in terms of "MY commitment to YOU" or "YOUR commitment to ME", commitment related to a significant other, a friendship, a group, project or idea, how often do we consider commitment to SELF and how our external commitments interface with our commitments to self? How often do we think about how our commitments to people or things either jive or conflict with our internal commitments and the way that we practice self-care? No doubt, society in general and our individual cultural backgrounds have influenced how we perceive and live out our commitments, often-times having placed so much importance on external commitment and generating so much guilt and fear, that we eventually find ourselves neglecting self in favour of these external commitments and allow our health, well-being, and even our sanity to be compromised. The time is now to start cutting through our conditioning, to tune in to the truth of our hearts, and to manage our commitments more efficiently in every way.

As always, I will leave you with some questions for further reflection if ever they can help you in your personal process:

What and whom are you committed to?

When you think about these commitments what does it bring up?

How committed are you to others versus to yourself?

How much value do you give to external commitment versus commitment to yourself?

Does a commitment to something or someone in your life require you to betray yourself?

Do you feel that someone’s commitment to you absolves you from keeping important commitments to yourself?

Are your commitments genuine or held in place by guilt and/or fear?

What happens when a commitment becomes abusive, unhealthy, or hurtful?

Is commitment something one needs to "tough out" at all costs or to reassess as needed?

What is the relationship between commitment and sacrifice? What are your beliefs? How does the relationship between the two and your beliefs about it affect your health and well-being?

Are your current internal and external commitments in alignment with who you are? Are they supportive of your personal growth and evolution? Do you feel loved, honoured, respected? Do they allow for you to love, honour, and respect yourself?
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