Welcome to the first post of what I call "Melanie's Musings", another series that I've decided to launch alongside my Body Part Series and others to come. Anybody who knows me at all knows that I'm rather relentless when it comes to self-inquiry and that I'm always pondering something - so my intention with this series is to write about topics which have played a role in my own personal development and which friends, clients, and colleagues have enjoyed discussing with me over time. Just like my Body Part Series, I plan to elaborate somewhat on the chosen theme and to leave you with questions for further reflection. While reading my musings it's possible that you may feel indifferent and bored or come across something that hits a nerve or stirs up your emotions. Whatever happens, that's perfectly okay - if stuff comes up, the only person you need to answer to is you. On that note, here's to putting a proverbial pen to paper about themes which I've explored along my own journey and which may be a potential asset to you on yours!
To kick off this series I wanted to broach the topic of COMPETITION. At first glance, the word itself seems pretty straightforward - for some it may resonate immediately as a significant theme, whereas for others it may not seem to play a role whatsoever. Either way, it is possible that our initial reaction does not tell the full story of how that theme truly impacts our life, our relationships, and our overall health.
To give you a little background about myself, I was never fully able to appreciate the role that competition has played in my life until recently. As a kid who was pretty lame at sports, a student who wasn't motivated to strive for excellence, an individual who was less than enthralled by the idea of joining the rat race, I'd say that on a conscious level, and due to my perception, competition was the furthest thing from my mind for the majority of time I've spent on this planet. It was only with my introduction to yoga in 1999 that the seeds for contemplation about competition were planted, and with my initiation to CrossFit in 2011 that those seeds began to blossom into something of substance.
Although for the most part, and in theory, yoga discourages competition, it's crazy how much it can bring up. It was with yoga that I first discovered the concept of "who you are on the mat says a lot about who you are off the mat", meaning that what goes through your mind and how you behave throughout your practice often translates pretty accurately to how you are in your daily life. Whereas the yoga experience had me exploring competition quietly and in a reverse psychology sort of way, CrossFit was the complete opposite. With CrossFit, despite hidden layers, the theme of competition is so loud and in your face that I finally felt I had free reign - so, in taking the concept of who you are on and off the mat into the context of my workouts over the past four and a half years, I've given myself permission to really explore what competition means to me in both straightforward and not so straightforward ways, to discover how I personally engage in competition overtly and covertly, and how it affects my various relationships and overall health. Competition can be black and white and yet have many shades of grey. It can be constructive and fair but it can also be destructive and deceitful. How you relate to the theme of competition, though possibly similar to others, will always be unique.
With that, I will leave you with some questions for further reflection so you may discover more about what competition means to you and the role it plays in your life.
Do you compete against others in a given sport? If so:
Do you find yourself competing WITH others on a personal level? Not just wanting a "nicer body" but to have a "nicer body" than, to be better looking than, more popular than, smarter than, happier than, healthier than, wealthier than, etc? If so:
Do you find yourself competing FOR others? For their love, attention, approval, recognition, to be special, to have a special relationship, to be important? If so:
- What are your beliefs about winning?
- Who or what helped shape those beliefs?
- How do you feel about yourself when you win?
- What are your beliefs about losing?
- Who or what helped shape those beliefs?
- How do you feel about yourself when you lose?
- Does competition create a feeling of excitement and anticipation or of nervousness and dread?
- Do you feel that how you relate to the theme of competition in athletics nourishes healthy self-esteem or contributes to self-punishing thoughts and compulsive behaviour?
- Do you feel that how you relate to the theme of competition in athletics has a positive or negative impact on your interpersonal relationships?
- Do you feel that how you relate to the theme of competition in athletics has a positive or negative impact on your physical/mental/emotional/spiritual health?
Do you find yourself competing WITH others on a personal level? Not just wanting a "nicer body" but to have a "nicer body" than, to be better looking than, more popular than, smarter than, happier than, healthier than, wealthier than, etc? If so:
- What are your beliefs about being superior?
- Who or what helped shape those beliefs?
- How do you behave overtly (visibly) and covertly (secretly) when you feel you've achieved a superior status?
- What are your beliefs about being inferior?
- Who or what helped shape those beliefs?
- How do you behave overtly and covertly when you feel inferior?
- Do you feel that how you relate to the theme of competition on a personal level nourishes healthy self-esteem or contributes to self-punishing thoughts and compulsive behavior?
- Do you feel that competing with others in this way has a positive or negative impact on your interpersonal relationships?
- Do you feel that competing with others in this way has a positive or negative impact on your physical/mental/emotional/spiritual health?
- Is there anybody in your life (family/significant other/friend/colleague or co-worker) that you feel competes with YOU in this way? How does it feel? How does it impact your feelings towards this person?
Do you find yourself competing FOR others? For their love, attention, approval, recognition, to be special, to have a special relationship, to be important? If so:
- What are your beliefs about being loved, recognized, validated by someone you covet?
- Who or what helped shape those beliefs?
- How do you behave overtly (visibly) and covertly (secretly) when you feel you've achieved their love and approval?
- What are your beliefs about losing love, recognition, and validation from someone you covet?
- Who or what helped shape those beliefs?
- How do you behave overtly and covertly when you feel rejected, unloved, or unimportant?
- Do you feel that how you relate to the theme of competition in this way nourishes healthy self-esteem or contributes to self-punishing thoughts and compulsive behaviour?
- Do you feel that competing for others in this way has a positive or negative impact on your interpersonal relationships?
- Do you feel that competing for others in this way has a positive or negative impact on your physical/mental/emotional/spiritual health?
- Is there anybody in your life (family/significant other/friend/colleague or co-worker) that you feel competes for YOU in this way? How does it feel? How does it impact your feelings towards this person?
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